Having qualms about a member of your community, sharing your qualms with others, but not having the guts to talk to the person directly. This plants seeds of resentment in your own heart, and seeds of doubt and dislike in the hearts of the listener. Some of those doubts and disenchantment are of the person you speak ill of. But also of you. The question every listener asks herself, deep in her own subconscious silence, is: What qualms do you have of me, that you are speaking to others about?
If you have an issue with someone, minor or major, you should speak directly to that person, or you should shut the fuck up about it and move on. An honourable person will give a person the opportunity to defend themself from criticism or attack. A coward is one who condemns someone in his community but plays nice (cowardly calling it being polite) when in the presence of that same person. What type of person does this? All of us are guilty of this at some point, if not always. It’s in our nature to complain and condemn, like children, unaware of the damages our actions cost others and ourselves.
I have at one point or another felt resentment towards you. I have spoken ill about you to someone or another. I know this to be true. I can’t say I’m ashamed of such behaviour. One should never be ashamed of being unconscious. It is in our lack of consciousness that we do such things. Petty and small in the act, damning and colossal in damage. It is no wonder it is so difficult to keep a community intact.
We judge others because we forget, everyone is perfect.
We judge ourselves because we forget, we are perfect.
Nobody needs your forgiveness, nor do you need the forgiveness of others.
Forgiveness is a dangerous concept that by its very nature, requires some fault, some guilt.
No. This is not good enough.
A step above forgiveness is acceptance. True acceptance of the beauty and love every soul has within himself. It is our Egos that blind us to this beauty; to each person’s perfection. And in our limited, biased Egoic mind, we judge. And that judgement pushes others further away. In our judgement, we create lonely islands in which less and less people are allowed in. One person after another falls from grace. But in fact, it is our Ego that has taken them off the pedestal they belong on. And one after another, we are more and more lonely, wondering why. What has happened? Why do I feel like this?
Yes. Jack’s sloppy way of eating annoys the shit out of my Ego. But that doesn’t make Jack any less beautiful and perfect. Damn, Jill can’t’ keep a commitment or promise to herself or anyone! And yet again, Jill is absolutely perfect and beautiful. The universe does not make anything less than perfect.
It’s my Ego that has the problem. I need not identify with it.
By disconnecting myself from the Ego’s desire to judge, I also am relieved by my very own Ego wanting to judge me. I’m also aware, that when my brothers and sisters judge me, it is not their perfection and beauty that judges me. It is their Ego. And I need not feel the weight of my or anyone’s Ego.
What keeps a community strong
The acceptance, inclusion, and invitation of diverse ideas, thoughts, philosophies, and ways of living. You don’t need to agree with your brother’s gambling problem. You don’t need to agree with your cousin’s cigarette smoking. And they don’t need to agree with your ways of living. But such a thing need not limit your ability to love them, and for them to love you.
To accept others is to accept yourself. It’s a tall fucking order, no doubt. But so is the effort to keep a community strong. You will fail at being without judgement. Nonetheless, awareness will bring you back to True North. Awareness will help remind you, “oh fuck. Here I am judging Victoria again.” One shortcircuit of judgemental thought after another, and you’ll get the hang of it.